Day 168 / 29 To Go: What do you think I want you to be...

Posted by: Cris

Over the last 168 consecutive posts, I have generally just provided highlights from the goings on of our life without mommy. But in the last few days I have been intrigued by something that has started to guide my thought process about how I parent...and since I'm short on photos today anyways, here's some food for thought...(after the photos)

Juneau and Nova get plenty of exercise "riding" their Bullseye's (that's the horse from Toy Story for the uninitiated). They sit on these stuffed horses and do frog leaps around the living room until their legs must be exhausted. Anyone who has spent much time in the car with me knows that my radio is invariably tuned to AM talk radio...my wife generally plays along even though she hates accidentally learning things like what "quantitative easing" is.

Recently, one of my favorite radio hosts did a 2 part series that has stuck in my head like few other topics. There are very few people other than my dad (and grandpa when he was still alive) who I consider as possessing "wisdom" but while I consider other radio shows smarter or more technical this guy provides a great deal of wisdom.

The topic of interest can be summarized by the question he posed:

As a parent, ask your children (if they are old enough) or just consider how you would hope they would answer the following question:

What do YOU think I most want you to be / to become as an adult:
1. Happy
2. Successful
3. Good / Moral
4. Smart

Obviously the key is not what they want to be/become but the point is their perception of what your desires are for how they turn out. Though they may choose "happy", "successful", or "smart" for what they want to become, if they answer that they think YOU most want them to be "good/moral" then you have successfully parented (what? you can't guarantee your children will turn out how you want them to? That's news to me!)

Part II was even more provocative as an extension of the concept of whether we properly portray the importance of morals above all else to our children:

What gets you the most angry / upset about how your children act?

Consider the following: Would you be more upset with your child for smoking or for cheating on a test?

You may consider smoking as a horrible choice for your child to make because it is extremely unhealthy but there is nothing immorale about it unlike cheating on a test. At first thought I'm sure many people (if they were completely honest) would be equally upset but even that sends the wrong message...if you aren't more upset over the cheating then the message the child receives is that making poor moral choices is equally wrong as making poor health choices which obviously shouldn't be the goal.

These questions have definitely been guiding some modifications in my parenting in the last few days. Rapidly growing pineapples...they are off and running.